still struggling to express

Seems to me I owe it to myself to observe that people such as the doc and Gail have expressed a degree of honest understanding that the original solution to my moral conflict is not...

Six

That done, on to the business at hand: Yesterday W got final clearance for surgery, scheduled for tomorrow.

V. My Version of Events, Expanded

I've re-written the following over and over. Objectivity is impossible but I am trying like hell.
Over the course of some five years:

Marriage begins to fail.

Got sick for two years, during which my mother died over a six-month period.

I broke.

Behaved badly and hurt a lot of people.

Marriage continues to fail.

Left, came back, more than once.

Sought long-range solace through G.

W starts to get sick as marriage fails.

Here's the big controversy: Left to preempt worse behavior and worse damage. Went to go to G. There's no right way to communicate this in a few lines. We'll discuss this later.

W gets sicker as I begin to love G evermore.

W gets really sick.

Return to W with G's love in tow.

Start this blog.

(I know I exchanged tenses above but I have fooled with this enough.)

4. Discovery of Real Friends

Before I forget and get all wrapped in my own sticky string, I want to recognize my real friends. There are five:
Lester, Ed, Steve, G, and Stace. W is damn sure an alternate.
Mom is gone. My father is really supportive. I have three brothers. One almost made the list.

I am grateful to each of you reflective of your own singular character. 

3.

How dare I have a wife whose health is failing and a girlfriend, too? Wife preceeded girlfriend. Girlfriend preceeded failing health.

To be sure, I am here only to look after my wife. Of course she knows that, but we both pretend. Being here is the right thing to do. And frankly, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.

2

Last night I told two women I would never leave them. I meant it, too. This whole thing continues to take some effort, but it's how I choose to live.