Six

That done, on to the business at hand: Yesterday W got final clearance for surgery, scheduled for tomorrow.

V. My Version of Events, Expanded

I've re-written the following over and over. Objectivity is impossible but I am trying like hell.
Over the course of some five years:

Marriage begins to fail.

Got sick for two years, during which my mother died over a six-month period.

I broke.

Behaved badly and hurt a lot of people.

Marriage continues to fail.

Left, came back, more than once.

Sought long-range solace through G.

W starts to get sick as marriage fails.

Here's the big controversy: Left to preempt worse behavior and worse damage. Went to go to G. There's no right way to communicate this in a few lines. We'll discuss this later.

W gets sicker as I begin to love G evermore.

W gets really sick.

Return to W with G's love in tow.

Start this blog.

(I know I exchanged tenses above but I have fooled with this enough.)

4. Discovery of Real Friends

Before I forget and get all wrapped in my own sticky string, I want to recognize my real friends. There are five:
Lester, Ed, Steve, G, and Stace. W is damn sure an alternate.
Mom is gone. My father is really supportive. I have three brothers. One almost made the list.

I am grateful to each of you reflective of your own singular character. 

3.

How dare I have a wife whose health is failing and a girlfriend, too? Wife preceeded girlfriend. Girlfriend preceeded failing health.

To be sure, I am here only to look after my wife. Of course she knows that, but we both pretend. Being here is the right thing to do. And frankly, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.

2

Last night I told two women I would never leave them. I meant it, too. This whole thing continues to take some effort, but it's how I choose to live.

1. Good appt results for surgery

Yesterday W got pretty much cleared for catheter-input surgery from the kidney dr and the cardiologist. Results of tests were essentially a trade-off, the negative aspects of which will logically diminish if the perotineal dialysis works. Attended kidney appt in D'dalk, but not heart appt in B'camp.
She told me over the phone on the way back that SS's wife had indeed miscarried. W didn't have much to say about it. I expressed sympathy of course, but probably in a way that didn't indicate that I considered myself to feel the same way she must. I need to think about that.
Didn't talk to G at all after the one conversation just before deploying to the physicians, although did phone twice. Will try in a little this AM. Calling while W is sleeping is uncomfortable for two related reasons: I fear she'll need help and I won't hear her; it's a little chickensh*t.

Only escalated re SD once; barely kept in check (This is by far my biggest personal issue in that my hair-trigger could lead not a few of us to ruin).

W and I were both disappointed GD went off with her mother this weekend, but an invitation to the carnival or circus or something plainly cannot go unaccepted by a six-year-old. Hopefully she doesn't get let down.